Mercy and Silaturrahim

The feeling of compassion, deeply ingrained in the hearts of believers, is the basis for silaturrahim (visiting and keeping strong ties with relatives), which is a vital bond from Allah the Most Gracious. Maintaining family ties, as idealized by the concept of silaturrahim, is a path that leads to Allah's mercy. If this precious bond breaks, it can have dire ramifications, such as being cut off from divine mercy.

Silaturrahim, an essential responsibility our sublime religion demands we fulfill, is related to the mercy that spreads to the hearts of believers from Allah's mercy. The “rahim” in the expression “silaturrahim” and the terms “rahmah” and “marhamah” originate from the same root and meaning and are frequently mentioned in verses and hadiths.

Our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), who said, “I have not been sent as the invoker of curses, but I was only sent as a mercy” (Muslim, Birr, 87), gave the good news to merciful people in another hadith:

“Those who are merciful will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth, and the One in the heaven will be merciful to you.” (Tirmidhi, Birr, 16)

Upon examining the life of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), we quickly notice examples of mercy and compassion of the highest order throughout his lifetime.

The Circle of Mercy

According to the narration of Miqdam bin Ma'di (radiyallahu anh), one of the Noble Companions, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

“I asked, 'Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your father,' he replied, 'and then the next closest relative and then the next.” 

This hadith states that the circle of mercy covers all beings, starting from those closest to a person in relationship and extending to the rest of humanity in varying degrees. The basis of the social disintegration rearing its head today is due to the majority of society neglecting the guideline in this hadith. Thus, “the circle of mercy,”as it may be called, as this wave of compassion radiating from people to their family, friends, and surroundings, is broken. 

How can a person who knows Jannah is under the feet of mothers and that, on the Day of Judgment, Allah will turn away from those who reject their fathers then ignore their parents? A person with iman turning away from their parents when they are in need of care is inconsistent with compassion, which is a requirement of the very iman that is the core of every thought, action, and decision a Muslim partakes.

A believer who looks to the example of our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) sees to their relatives’ needs and takes care of them, for they are the ones who are closest to them as those who adopt the prophetic method as a way of life will invariably concur. They share their sadness and joy without seeking caveats or preconditions for such emotional connection. As they respect the rights of their neighbors, they do not withhold kindness and benevolence from them. When they see someone needing help, they remember that they are their Muslim brother and help them as much as they can. Even if they can do nothing, they do not hold back a kind smile and comforting words, hoping that will relieve their sadness and please their heart. Those who act this way are mentioned in the hadith as “the ones for whom Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) has mercy.”

The feeling of compassion, deeply ingrained in the hearts of believers, is the basis for silaturrahim (visiting and keeping strong ties with relatives), which is a vital bond from Allah the Most Gracious. Maintaining family ties, as idealized by the concept of silaturrahim, is a path that leads to Allah's mercy. From this point of view, just as the physical bond between the mother and the fetus in the womb is crucial, silaturrahim, which is a spiritual bond between believers and Allah's mercy, is indispensable.

Even if they offend you

The sensitivity shown by the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) in family relations is expressed in many hadiths. He encouraged believers to join the family by saying, “He who believes in Allah and the Hereafter, let him maintain good relation with kins” (Bukhari, Adab, 85). Similarly, he warned the believers not to sever their ties with their families by saying, “The one who severs the ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.” (Bukhari, Adab, 11).

That Muslims are required to maintain family ties under any and all circumstances is highlighted in the following hadith. As narrated by Abu Hurayra (radiyallahu anh), a man came to Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and said: 

“I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship, but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly, but they treat me badly. I am gentle with them, but they are rough to me.”

In reply, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: 

“If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do so.” 

Scholars have interpreted the expression “to feed hot ashes” in the hadith as emphasizing their mercy by burning them inside. Therefore, a person should be patient even if they endure unkindness from their relatives in exchange for the benevolence with which they treat them and insist on maintaining family ties as it behooves a Muslim. It is never righteous to build impenetrable walls to shun one’s relatives due to their faults or shrink from doing them favors and offering help.

In another hadith, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) declared continuation to be a requirement for proper silaturrahim by saying:

“The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”(Bukhari, Adab, 15). 

Even if a Muslim is subjected to a deliberate infringement against their rights, they should help their relatives rather than break off their relations. In a hadith narrated from Anas bin Malik (radiyallahu anh), the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or an oppressed one.”

One of the Noble Companions said: 

“O Messenger of Allah! I help him when he is oppressed, but how can I help him when he is an oppressor?” To that, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: 

“By preventing him from oppressing others. That is the help you must do.” (Bukhari, Ikrah; Ahmad b. Hanbal, 201).

In this case, it is a Muslim's responsibility not to burn their bridges with their relatives despite the injustice and to try to help them as Islamic moral principles dictate.

A name from Ar-Rahman

According to what is narrated from Abdurrahman bin Awf (radiyallahu anh), Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

“I am Compassionate, and this has been derived from mercy. I have derived its name from My name.” (Abu Dawud, Zakat, 45). 

This is reiterated in the following hadith narrated from the mother of the believers, Aisha (radiyallahu anha):

“Kinship (rahim) is derived from the All-Merciful (Rahman). When someone maintains the connections of ties of kinship, they maintain connection with him. If someone cuts them off, they cut him off.” (Bukhari, Adab, 13).

Family relations, which form the first link of the concept of silaturrahim, do not mean only extending them our help via financial means. Protecting and taking care of relatives when they falter and fail spiritually, and deviate from the straight path of Islam is essential. Such deviations are especially rampant in this age where bad habits are so contagious they can quickly spark a flame in millions of hearts with a simple “viral trend.” Our value system is bombarded with all the “buzz” and “hype” from the latest embodiment of corruption that threatens to come in like a wrecking ball. The role of strong family ties in preventing such disastrous scenarios cannot be overstated. For this reason, believers should first strive to be on the righteous path and try to help their relatives remain steadfast spiritually with the firm connections of family ties.

The continuation of Muslims’ treatment of their relatives, the first link of silaturrahim, with mercy, forbearance, and gentleness, is vital to bringing them closer to achieving an understanding of religious brotherhood, which represents the widest framework one can reliably establish to build genuine, caring ties among people.

In today's world, where social ties are weakened and on the verge of being dissolved, people are isolated in their own microcosms. As a result, psychological depression spreads like an epidemic. Against the tide of this collective social catastrophe we face, the moral virtues of silaturrahim stand before us as a miraculous cure from Allah.

Mehmet Fatih Çakır