The Best Form of Advice: Leading by Example
Every action has an underlying tenor, a suggestion that sends a message through its performance. It is needless to say that actions that serve as endorsements for foul, unruly behaviors are in contrast to the moral profile that Muslims must adopt.
People often offer a word of advice to others to guide them to a course of action, cessation, or abstention that runs parallel to commonly accepted moral or social norms. Those who set worthy examples for others with their behaviors and characteristics are sometimes called exemplars, role models, or paragons. Being a good example for others is a catalyst for inspiring similar behaviors in other individuals.
Giving good advice and setting an admirable example are vital concepts, but the latter is in shorter supply and is, therefore, excruciatingly more needed than the former. This is because while many may have a wealth of opinions on what others need to do, when it comes to action, few will take up the gauntlet to lead by example. Just as it is of little benefit for people who don’t remember Allah frequently to invoke His name, it is an exercise in futility to offer words of advice that one doesn’t practice oneself.
Ali bin Abi Talib (radiyallahu anh) once said, “It is easy to give advice but a challenge to be an example.” In a similar grain of wisdom, Hasan al-Basri (rahmatullahi alayh) said, “Advice winds its way along a long, twisting road, but an example takes the quicker, more direct path and carries greater influence.” Words are easier to throw around than actions are to take. A piece of advice is, on the whole, composed of words. Sometimes, even outright deplorable people can offer the most sound words of advice.
Actions speak louder than words
Most of us have firsthand experience with how actions speak louder than words. An exemplary behavior carries greater weight than thousands of clever articulations thrown around without practice and experience to substantiate them. This lends a pronounced distinction to setting a decent example in terms of effectiveness when compared to offering advice. Of course, it is the best of both worlds if one can align their words with their actions for greater effect.
The following story serves as an excellent example of why this is true: Speakers took turns delivering speeches for a martyred soldier at his funeral. Each one spoke eloquently and offered inspiring, soothing words. Then, they handed the microphone to the soldier’s father, who wasn’t trained in the oratory arts. He did not have the knowledge or inclination to garner admiration or elicit emotion from his listeners. He managed, albeit barely, to stitch a few words together while wrought with the terrible agony of needing to lower his beloved son into the earth. That was the moment when everyone shed mournful tears for the fallen soldier. What stirred those people to respond emotionally was not the refined speeches about the high merits of martyrdom or the silver tongues weaving tapestries of sophisticated, dramatic words. No, what moved them was the very real presence of the body of the martyred soldier, laid in a coffin resting on the stone slab for the janazah prayer, and the overwhelming emotional burden of his father. This story is a perfect example of why being an example through firsthand experience is superior to words of advice from someone who hasn’t shouldered the burden of the experience themselves.
The events that occurred in Hudaybiyah in the first years of the advent of Islam also serve to exemplify precisely how actions yield much more significant results than words. As it’s widely known, Muslims were finally traveling from Makkah to Medinah to make umrah and end their 6-year-long longing due to a dream Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) had. However, the polytheists cut off the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and the Muslims accompanying him. The situation had escalated to the brink of war before a treaty was eventually signed.
However, the terms of the Hudaybiyah treaty felt oppressive and unfair to the Sahabah. From their angle, it looked more like an agreement of submission to the polytheists rather than a victory. When the signatures were placed, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, “Get up and sacrifice (your udhiyah animals) and then shave your heads.” By this, he’d announced that they would remove their ihram clothes and return to Medinah. Although the command was given, not a single member of the Companions got up to carry it out despite Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) repeating it three times. Seeing this, he went to Ummu Salamah (radiyallahu anha) and told her what had happened. Ummu Salamah (radiyallahu anha) said:
- O Rasulullah! If you want your command to be fulfilled, go outside, sacrifice your udhiyah without saying anything, and call your barber and have your hair cut.
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) followed this advice, sacrificed his animal, and shaved his head. The Companions got up after seeing Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) take action and set about following his example. Now, it was as if they were in a race to do everything initially asked of them.
Just to give a simple instruction
Another poignant example of how advice only renders its full effects when people practice what they preach is the following story about Imam Azam (rahmatullahi alayh) and a child. There lived a child who loved honey so much that he couldn’t stop eating it. Even after falling ill due to overeating the sweet treat that he loved so dearly, he continued to indulge. His family brought him to Imam Azam Abu Hanifa (rahmatullahi alayh) so that he would warn the child about the dangers of eating honey excessively and tell him to wean himself off of it. After listening to the boy’s parents and hearing their plea, Imam Azam (rahmatullahi alayh) told them, “Come back in forty days.”
After the passage of the allotted time, Imam Azam (rahmatullahi alayh) had a short conversation with the child. “Don’t eat honey from now on, my son,” he said. Then he turned to the child’s family and said, “Alright, you may go now.” The parents were shocked by this turn of events as waiting for forty days only to hear a single sentence was something unheard of and highly peculiar. However, they couldn’t discount the fact that the person in front of them was the greatest scholar of their time and certainly not an ordinary person.
They did as they were told and returned to their homes. They noticed in the following days that it was as if the child’s craving for honey was drained out of him. Out of irresistible curiosity, they paid Imam Azam (rahmatullahi alayh) another visit and asked him:
“O great Imam, you said a single sentence to the child after keeping him waiting for forty days, and he completely gave up eating honey. What is the secret behind this?”
Imam Azam (rahmatullahi alayh) smiled slightly and offered his explanation:
“I, too, used to eat honey forty days ago. As such, it would have no bearing on someone else if I told them not to eat honey. When you first came to me, I stopped eating honey. When I quit eating it, my words finally gained the potency to have an influence on him.”
It is obvious why Imam Azam (rahmatullahi alayh) is still widely remembered to this day. There have been many who were eager to give their two cents on various subjects of contention or arbitration but were all wiped from the annals of history because they didn’t lead by example. They were all but forgotten because their spoken wisdom contradicted the model of behavior they portrayed with their actions.
Stories about awliya and good servants of Allah whose lives are bound together with the wisdom they offer always inspire a sense of admiration and fascination in us. One can imagine that if we have the chance to spend time with such people and observe their exemplary lives personally, such an experience will enable us to put our own lives in order. This is because our lives are built around examples. Children take after their parents, students after their teachers, apprentices after their masters, soldiers after their commanding officers, workers after their managers, mosque-goers after their imams, and disciples after their murshids. Our beliefs, worship, morals, culture, in short, our entire lifestyle takes its most principled form through the process of being molded by examples.
“So that you may be mindful”
In some Muslim countries, the 90th ayah of surah An-Nahl is recited regularly at the end of the Jumuah khutbah. Almost everyone who frequents these mosques knows this ayah by heart:
“Indeed, Allah enjoins to do justice and to adopt good behavior and to give relatives (their due rights), and forbids shameful acts, evil deeds, and transgression. He exhorts you so that you may be mindful.”
For those of us who pray at one of the mosques where this ayah is commonly referenced, let’s think for a moment about how much the message it holds permeates into our lives and to what extent the words of advice embedded within push the envelope for us. Do our family ties grow stronger with each passing day? How do we score on looking out for our relatives? We are obligated to ask these questions to ourselves and reevaluate our report cards at a time when relatives balk at the idea of lending money to one another and have no problem with watching each other drift into haram, let alone look out for one another.
As believers, we are under a very real responsibility to embrace the advice our Creator gives us and uphold the relevant values. Unfortunately, the lives we lead today show that mere verbal instructions in a khutbah do nothing to stimulate the required change in us if delivered by an imam who doesn’t illustrate the values in his speech through his actions or if we shut our ears to good advice.
The need for reminders
Just because being a good example is essential, it shouldn’t be equated to a complete disregard for giving and listening to good reminders. Reminders are a vital part of Islam. In fact, one of the names of the Qur’an is “tadhkirah,” meaning “reminder.” The first ayahs of surah Taha indicate this with the words, “Tā-Hā. We did not reveal the Qur’an that you be distressed. But only as a reminder for those who fear (Allah).” In another divine decree, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “And remind, for indeed, the reminding benefits the believers” (Adh-Dhariyat, 55). Therefore, it is an indispensable principle of the believers to invite people to the way of Allah through reminders.
However, there remains an unmistakable guideline set forth by Allah the Exalted in the ayah, “O you who believe, why do you say what you do not do? It is severely hateful before Allah that you say what you do not do” (As-Saf, 2-3). This points out clearly that we are required to only say things that we will accomplish or at least have the determination to carry out. All of this stands to mean that a believer should be exemplary individuals who keep their words, do as they say, and lead by example. In light of these principles, providing guidance by following the failed logic of the notoriously popularized catchphrase, “Do as I say, not as I do,” is a deeply flawed strategy for anyone who genuinely wishes their words to have a positive effect on others.
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is the best possible example for us, which is proclaimed in the 21st ayah of surah Al-Ahzab: “There is indeed a good model for you in the Messenger of Allah—for the one who has hope in Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah profusely.”
This proclamation conveys the undeniable fact that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is the ultimate example for all of humanity. As the uswatun hasanah (the excellent example), he is emphasized to be the exemplary guide that has ended the dark days of the Age of Ignorance, ushered in an era of enlightenment, and transformed the entire society comprehensively to form what is known as the Age of Bliss. The Companions who followed his example had life-changing amendments in their lives that revolutionized what it meant to be part of an ideal society.
Today, humanity needs the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) more than ever. Just as society struggled in the Age of Ignorance, people in our time are beset on all sides by crises that threaten to demolish the social structure by undermining their identity. In all this commotion, Muslims stand as an unwavering example for the rest of human civilization. The 110th ayah of surah Ali Imran supports this notion: “You are the best Ummah ever raised for mankind.” The best ummah, the ummah of Islam, should constitute the best example. In order to achieve this, the Muslims living right now must follow in the footsteps of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), his Noble Companions, and the pious servants of Allah who followed them.
Those enfolded in the morals of the Prophet
It had been several weeks since Rasulullah’s (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) departure from this mortal life. A man living in the Damascus area had found out about “the last prophet arriving in the end times” by reading the relevant sections in the Torah and Gospel and was filled with admiration for the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam). He later heard that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) lived in Medinah and set out on the road, unaware of his recent passing.
As he neared the city of Medinah, he saw someone resting under the shade of a tree. He looks so much like the prophet I read about, he thought to himself. In reality, it was a man who’d first quit Zoroastrianism and become a Christian, and finally a Muslim after hearing about the qualities of the prophesied Last Messenger of Allah, left his home in the Persian lands and traveled across vast distances to Medinah just to see Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam); it was none other than Salman al-Farisi (radiyallahu anh), a member of the Sahabah whose heart was indelibly marked with love for the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam).
The man greeted Salman (radiyallahu anh) with salam, told him that he was here to see Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), and asked him where he could find him. Salman al-Farisi (radiyallahu anh) quickly realized that the man was a foreigner from lands far away and that if he told him of the passing of the prophet, he might turn back the way he came.
- Let me take you to his masjid, he said.
After the man agreed, they arrived at Masjid An-Nabawi and entered inside. When he saw the Sahabah, he approached with excitement and, I wonder who among them is the Messenger of Allah, he thought with almost palpable astonishment.
“I think it may be best that I greet him with a salam. Whoever answers the salam must be Rasulullah,” he reasoned, so “Assalamu alayka Ya Rasulallah,” he called into the room. However, he heard no immediate response and even noticed a growing murmuring among the congregation. With a mournful voice, one of the Sahabah said:
- Welcome, stranger. It has been a few weeks since Rasulullah departed from us. You have reminded us of him by giving salam to him. You have reopened our wound.
The man felt dejected for not having the kismet to see him. But then he said:
- Even though I couldn’t see him, I saw his companions. If his companions are so fully imprinted with the qualities I read about in the Torah and Gospel, who knows what a marvelous person he was himself?
He then recited the kalima-i shahadah and joined the honorable ranks of Muslims. Despite being unable to see Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) himself, this person saw his companions and formed an impression of our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and Islam based on his observations. Judging by this account, it would be safe to draw the conclusion that the lives of Muslims take on the role of the most obvious representation of the meaning the Qur’an and Islam hold for non-Muslims regarding their understanding of these concepts.
The ummah as an example
As Muslims, it would serve us well to remember that the whole world is watching us and judging Islam by us. They are looking at the ummah of Islam and, through their observations of us, forming opinions about Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam). They care more about the lifestyle we display than what we proclaim. We Muslims should be able to present an excellent example to the rest of the world just like he did. For this, a believer should first be “al-amin,” that is, trustworthy and reliable, and then adopt all the other qualities of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) one by one.
After our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), those who are best qualified to be our lodestar, our guiding light to keep us from losing our way in the darkness, are his Noble Companions. As the hadith states, “My Companions are like the stars,” the Noble Companions are the stars that light the way forward for us.
Alhamdulillah, today, we are blessed to be imparted with the same guidance by the awliya, who have for centuries, followed the path illuminated by the Sahabah. Those who follow the example of the awliya benefit immensely from their advice and teachings because, just like Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), these elect servants of Allah lead both by example and by offering their wealth of wisdom as advice to others.
The Qur’an says the following after mentioning the names of several prophets: “Those (previous prophets) are the ones whom Allah has guided. So, it is their guidance that you should follow” (Al-An’am, 90).
This divine declaration stresses the importance of following the devout, taking their example to heart, and walking on their path. For someone to be able to follow the pious and the awliya, one needs to choose their friends carefully.
Our scholars have made it amply clear with whom one should associate and socialize. They have also laid out the oft-proven reality of how befriending people has the associated consequence of taking on their morals and values and, eventually, coming to the end of this life with those same morals and values at the core of their identity. If someone spends time with a gambler, the gambler will hitch them up with some of his despicable qualities. A thief will slowly imprint his way of life on those around him. And an awliya will touch the hearts of those who gather around him and light up their darkness with his guiding light.
Even copying the behaviors of the awliya will have a therapeutic effect on one’s heart. Those who accompany the pious and the awliya will eventually begin to act, think and look like them. They will exude the goodness they initially took up only to mimic and, in the process, provide a fine demonstration of what it means to be a good example.
Abdülhamid Eşmeli
