The Dignified Way of Dealing With Mistakes
The concept of rights and laws emerged as a result of the human necessity of living in a society and having social interactions. These concepts are inherent within religious sources and human social norms. Provisions, legal regulations, and sanctions governing individual and social rights constitute the core of all social regulating systems.
In conjunction, there are unwritten rules, such as rules and conventions of proper social conduct, customs and formalities, which, although they differ from society to society, ultimately make it possible for everyone to live together in harmony while ensuring rights are guaranteed and protected.
Despite this, we are affected by many forms of inequity from daily interactions with different people due to inherent differences in feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, we may come across or personally experience callous or even outright unfair behavior while traveling on public transportation, strolling through the marketplace, shopping, or resting at home. Even in our mosques, places that symbolize the ideal of upholding everyone’s rights, through careless or insensitive actions, a brother may either walk across the stretch of ground right in front of us that is considered inviolable during prayer or disturb the peace and tranquility of our worship. Even during hajj, we witness the actions of pilgrims who push through the crowd in order to kiss the Hajar al-Aswad in the corner of the Ka’bah.
As we witness or are subjected to these unfair situations, we feel life gradually becoming unlivable. People who live in big cities can observe this much more clearly. When today’s situation is compared with the past ten years, most people express that they regret how far society has moved away from its values.
Without breaking hearts
We, as Muslims, need to adopt a principled attitude in the face of all these injustices and mistakes. When we encounter such unkindness or unfair treatment, not only are we required to address our flaws and make improvements where we have shortcomings, but we must also rectify the mistakes around us. This is because we are ultimately responsible for our social environment, especially our family.
The purpose of intervention should be to correct the mistakes we notice and not to point the finger of blame, condemn others and raise a clamor with angry retorts. It doesn’t suit a Muslim to fall into another mistake while addressing a prior mistake—we must always protect human dignity. Our goal is betterment, and we must always act accordingly. Our beloved Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) never broke a heart while correcting someone’s mistake.
A person can be goaded by their nafs to fall into one of its traps at any time. They may become belligerent whenever they lose an advantage, experience a setback, or fail to reach their goal. In such a mental state, they can behave unjustly to others and may seek to find relief by following the impulses of their nafs. It is befitting for a believer to conduct themselves with calmness and composure. Rather than escalate the matter and generate unnecessary friction, sometimes it’s better to leave things to simmer down and simply wait. After some time, the believer should give advice with a sweet, soothing tongue. Such a constructive approach will undoubtedly lead to a good result. If this method is implemented to reform connections, brotherly relations between people at odds with each other are likely to be rebuilt. It is a moral principle for us to take to heart that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) never erupted with anger at any injustice done to him.
Mediating between two people
Sometimes, we are asked to arbitrate or intervene in a matter between two people. It is a moral virtue to be an intermediary in the issues of two partners in trade or marriage. In such cases, we must state what we consider right and speak the truth to those in the wrong. While doing this, we must avoid offensive expressions.
In the process of seeking to resolve a conflict between two people, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) would show the truth directly to the involved parties. The matters where he helped through mediation were disagreements that arose from a spouse, friend, or partner complaining about the other. He always listened attentively to identify the problem and then advised accordingly. The first thing to catch our attention in the mediation efforts of the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is his style of gently showing the righteous, morally upright course of action without breaking hearts.
On one occasion, the wife of Abdullah bin Amr (radiyallahu anh) came to the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and complained about her husband—he would not help her with household duties, would spend the nights in worship and fast during the day. When the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) saw Abdullah bin Amr (radiyallahu anh), he inquired whether his wife’s statement was true. Abdullah bin Amr (radiyallahu anh) replied in the affirmative, “What you heard is true.” The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) reminded him of his responsibilities to his body and family and told him not to neglect his duties. Otherwise, he would weaken his body with excessive worship and leave his family miserable by neglecting his duties to them and his home.
Abdullah bin Amr (radiyallahu anh) expressed his keen fondness for worship and desire to continue to worship in the same manner as he believed his body was not affected. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) saw he was adamant and recounted the story of Prophet Dawud (alayhissalam) as an example to be emulated—to fast one day, eat the next, and sleep for a part of the night. Trusting his strength, Abdullah bin Amr (radiyallahu anh) did not take this advice seriously. However, when his body grew weak with pains in his later years, he regretted his choice and expressed that he wished he had heeded Rasulullah’s (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) advice. (Bukhari, 1153, 4664)
It is reported in another narration that two partners locked in a heated dispute against each other came to the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) for arbitration regarding ownership of property. Each blamed the other and claimed that the property was theirs. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) listened carefully to both. He then decided in favor of one of them by looking at what was told and what was presented as evidence. Then he spoke:
– I am only a human being, and litigants with cases of dispute come to me, and someone of you may happen to be more eloquent (in presenting his case) than the other, whereby I may consider that he is truthful and pass a judgment in his favor. If ever I pass a judgment in favor of somebody whereby he takes a Muslim's right unjustly, then whatever he takes is nothing but a piece of Fire, and it is up to him to take or leave.
Upon this warning, the person whom he decided in favor of regretted the outcome and said:
– O Rasulallah, my friend is the rightful one. I’m the one who’s made the unrightful claim here. Seeing his partner’s renunciation, the other partner also backed down:
– I don’t want my due right; you can have it.
Having witnessed this selfless nobility, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) showed them that there’s a middle path by saying:
– If you are doing so, then share it between yourselves and forgive each other. (Bukhari, 2458; Sharhu’s-Sunnah, I/608)
While showing the truth
In some cases, a mistake has to be rectified and corrected immediately. This is especially true for teachers who, when correcting an error, must do so in front of everyone. When rendering a correction to flawed or erroneous thinking on the spot is critical for an error-free learning experience, a corrective statement made in a mild and moderate manner does not offend anyone’s dignity, especially in an educational environment. Many of us have corrected our faults through the warnings of our teachers and mentors. We are now grateful for their lessons.
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) would step in when he saw the same mistake was committed repeatedly. He wanted those around to learn the truth actively and take lessons. However, while doing so, he would not wound the honor of the person who was remiss or guilty. He was often seen exerting his authority with such interventions in matters related to worship.
Once, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) was sitting in the mosque with a large congregation of his companions. A man they did not know entered the mosque and started to pray. After finishing his prayer, he walked towards the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) to join the gathering. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) asked, “Go back and pray, for you did not pray” The man repeated the prayer. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and the Sahabah watched him. The man returned after the prayer. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) once again asked the man to repeat the prayer, and the entire congregation watched. Once again, he performed his prayer in the same manner. The shortcoming of his prayer was that he did not comply with the tadil al-arkan (performing the principles of prayer properly). His bowing for ruku and getting back up were almost a single fluid motion, and he immediately went into prostration without waiting to assume a fully upright position after ruku. Raising his head between prostrations and performing the second prostration took almost a second.
The Sahabah watched all this happen. When the man came to the Messenger of Allah again, he said that this was the best prayer he could offer and that he could not do better. He still couldn’t understand what he was doing wrong. After three wrong practices, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) offered the following advice in front of the congregation for the benefit of everyone present:
– “When you get up for the prayer, perform the ablution properly and then face the Qibla and say Takbir (Allahu Akbar), and then recite of what you know of the Qur'an, and then bow, and remain in this state till you feel at rest in bowing, and then raise your head and stand straight; and then prostrate till you feel at rest in prostration, and then sit up till you feel at rest while sitting; and then prostrate again till you feel at rest in prostration; and then get up and stand straight, and do all this in all your prayers” (Bukhari, 715)
This correction by the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) was done practically and was instrumental in conveying the correct performance of salah to future generations.
Not naming names
It can be hurtful to draw direct attention to a person’s mistake by mentioning their name. Instead, it is objectively better and more pertinent to draw their attention with a general warning that avoids breaking their heart or hurting their feelings.
This was the preferred method of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) whenever he was presented with problems. He used to advise the congregation using general expressions. As those who were present would listen and understand, they would pass on the advice to those not in attendance. One day, a man came to the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and complained about the imam of the neighborhood mosque:
– O Allah's Messenger! I may not attend the (compulsory congregational) prayer because so and so (the Imam) prolongs the prayer when he leads us for it.
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) was upset about the situation. When the congregation was gathered at Masjid An-Nabawi, he delivered a speech and warned all who were gathered by using general expressions:
– O people! Some of you make others dislike good deeds (the prayers). So whoever leads the people in prayer should shorten it because among them there are the sick, the weak and the needy (having some jobs to do)” (Muslim, 1044).
In hundreds of hadiths like this, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) would address the believers with expressions generalized to the public instead of an individual such as “O people!”, “How is it that some people…”, “Do not do that!”
Of course, these warnings of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) were not always due to complaints. Sometimes when seeing mistakes, he would warn the believers by using general expressions. For example, he used to say to those who would turn their heads to the sky during prayer (and not look down at the place of prostration):
“How is it that some people raise their eyes towards the sky during As-Salat (the prayer)?” (Bukhari, 750)
To consign others’ mistakes to secrecy
We are humans, and it is human to make mistakes and stumble into sin. Falling into error because of sin is one of the defining qualities of being human. But none of us want our transgressions to be made known to others, so that we won’t be embarrassed by them. When others commit mistakes, we should put ourselves in their shoes, hold for them the same goodwill we would want others to have for us, afford them the same leniency we would like to be shown, and try to cover their mistakes. We must help believers protect their honor by allowing them the opportunity to mend their ways and put their mistakes behind them.
It is best to hide a person’s mistakes if there is a risk of ruining their reputation in society as long as their mistakes don’t negatively affect others. It is necessary to ensure knowledge of the mistake/sin remains between Allah and the person. To that end, we must be like the shroud of night, granting secrecy to many mistakes best left undiscovered. However, we also have a duty to advise our brothers properly so they do not repeat their mistakes.
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, regarding those who cover up the faults of others:
“The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.” (Tirmidhi, 1426)
For those who do not take the sensitivity of an issue seriously and think little of the consequences of revealing the mistakes of other people going through a rough patch, there is little that can be more admonishing and frightening than the following verse:
“Surely, those who like that lewdness spreads among the believers, for them there is painful punishment in this world and the Hereafter. Allah knows, and you do not know.” (An-Nur, 19)
Circumstantial exceptions to secrecy
It is necessary to hide believers’ faults. However, if an action a person plans is likely to harm others, it cannot be kept a secret. For example, if we learn that someone is planning to damage another person’s property or has the intention to hurt someone, we must immediately give a warning to all those concerned.
Likewise, suppose we are witnesses to a crime that entails punishment. In that case, we are required to fulfill our responsibility—we must not allow ourselves to be dissuaded from acting and speaking out. We cannot carry the misconceived notion that we are obliged to hide all of a person’s faults.
One day, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) was inspecting the market with his Companions. They stopped by a merchant selling legumes or cereals. The top layer of the product looked fine. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) asked:
– Is the bottom side the same as the top, he asked. The merchant said;
–Of course it is, O Rasulallah.
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) became suspicious and placed his hand under the product. The bottom layer was full of moisture. The merchant then tried to offer an excuse by saying it had rained. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) replied:
– And he who treats us dishonestly does not belong to us. (Muslim, 284; Darimi, 2569)
A believer tries to radiate happiness and kindness to their surroundings with every word and action. They should utilize the most tactful, sensitive, and well-meaning method possible when showing people their mistakes and teaching them the correct, virtuous, and ethical way of handling problematic issues. One should try to refrain from offending or alienating others as much as one strives to prevent wrongdoing or provide course correction. A Muslim is forgiving when wronged. They actively seek and adopt a way of correcting the mistake without driving a wedge between people, breaking hearts, or engendering bitter feelings. In the end, the optimal way of handling a precarious situation between people is one where everyone is shown the moral and just direction without being estranged.
Taha Yıldız
