Where Is Our Kindness?

Our religion places great emphasis on the virtue of kindness and its close relationship with Islamic ethics. Compassion has always been integral to the Islamic way of life as a fundamental principle. All the prophets exemplified the quality of kindness, and the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), in particular, was known for his exceptional kindness. As such, Islamic societies are expected to cultivate a culture of compassion and harmony rather than discord, strife, and confrontation. It is the ethical responsibility of believers to treat one another with the utmost kindness and respect and to shun all forms of aggression.

Kindness is a virtue that involves abstaining from words or actions that might cause discomfort or agitation to others. It is often associated with being courteous, respectful, and considerate while refraining from impolite or rash behaviors that may offend or hurt. At its core, kindness involves treating others with empathy, sympathy, and grace and embodying the golden rule of treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself. In essence, it calls upon individuals to uphold the principles of etiquette and morality.

When expressed with genuine sincerity, kindness reflects the inner beauty and refinement of a person's character. It is an elegant way of sharing and enriching one's life with others, bringing people together to create a harmonious and livable world. This sublime quality is one of the finest virtues of humanity and serves as a key element in fostering peace and tranquility within society.

People of kind and gentle disposition never forget to greet others with a heartfelt smile and exchange warm greetings. They always acknowledge good deeds and show appreciation for the efforts of others. They never turn down a request for help and are always willing to engage in friendly conversations while avoiding arguments or conflicts. They maintain a calm and composed demeanor at home, at work, and in public places and refrain from raising their voice or exhibiting impolite behavior. They never respond to hostility with more hostility but instead, choose to act with kindness and grace. They always refrain from uncouth, unseemly behavior and never say "no" to someone in need. They are gracious guests at mealtime, never finding fault with the food or those who prepare it. They never stretch their legs in front of others and are always composed and dignified in their conduct and behavior.

Our religion places great emphasis on the virtue of kindness and its close relationship with Islamic ethics. Kindness has always been integral to the Islamic way of life as a fundamental principle. All the prophets exemplified the quality of kindness, and the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), in particular, was known for his exceptional kindness. As such, Islamic societies are expected to cultivate a culture of compassion and harmony rather than discord, strife, and confrontation. It is the ethical responsibility of believers to treat one another with the utmost kindness and respect and to shun all forms of aggression.

Unfortunately, in today's society, we see the opposite trend on the rise, with rude and aggressive behavior becoming more widespread. A new generation of distasteful, uncivilized culture is rapidly spreading, with insults and profanity becoming commonplace, even on social media. This shift in cultural norms is alarming and concerning, as kindness is often mistaken for weakness, while those who lack empathy and parade their foul behavior and crude indifference to others’ suffering under a facade of ruggedness and non-fragility are called strong, confident individuals with exaggerated monikers such as “bosses” or “kings and queens.”

 ‘If You Had Been Rough and Cold-Hearted’

The kindness of Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), as exemplified in his life, is specifically highlighted in the Qur'an. Our infallible book refers to this treasured quality of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) with the ayah, “So, (O Prophet) it is through mercy from Allah that you are gentle to them. Had you been rough and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you” (Ali Imran, 159). It is noteworthy that, with this ayah, being gentle is recognized as a manifestation of Allah's mercy, and such behavior is understood to be in accordance with the Prophet's (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) perfect morality and pleasing to Allah.

On the other hand, it is affirmed in the verse that being rude and cold-hearted would be perceived as offensive and unpleasant. Even the most hard-hearted individuals, such as the Makkan polytheists of the time, would be uncomfortable with ill-treatment. This verse serves as a profound lesson for leaders, educators, teachers, public figures, and elders. The success of individuals in such positions depends on their embracing kindness as a principle rather than imposing their views on others.

Our hadith sources mention that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) would not raise his voice to children or those serving him, and he would never criticize anyone for incomplete or defective work. It is recorded that he would take care of his everyday tasks himself. Allah (jalla jalaluhu) testifies to His Messenger's impeccable character by stating, “And you are surely on an excellent standard of character” (Al-Qalam, 4), which not only affirms the Prophet's (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) exemplary conduct but also summarizes it.

The Good and Bad Among Us

From the Age of Bliss to our day, first the Noble Companions of the Prophet, then Salaf as-Salihin, also known as the Pious Predecessors, and Sadat al-Kiram, the great Sufis who shone like beacons to guide believers, continued to exemplify Rasulullah’s (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) superior morality. For instance, Hasan al-Basri (quddisa sirruhu) sending a gift to the one who gossipped about him is an outstanding example of sublime character.

Today, incidents of grave injustice such as homicide, injury, conflicts, and grudges are not few and far between. The need for such nobility is greater now than ever before. Kindness is an essential aspect of our society, as can be seen in many areas. For instance, the chaos of traffic in cities is primarily a problem of civility. Rather than gesturing and saying, "Please, after you," cutting someone off or blocking their way is regarded as a testament to one’s indomitable will.

We can also see the decline of our sense of hospitality in our lack of courtesy towards guests. Being a gracious host is directly related to the virtue of kindness. Even parents hesitate to stay with their own children as our sense of hospitality continues to fade away. When neighbors avoid or even disdain to greet or talk to each other, they also fail the test of kindness. The same can be said for relatives who fail to visit or get in touch with one another to ask about each other's well-being.

And the worst is that, in many houses, spouses regard subjecting one another to all forms of immoderate or extreme behavior as the self-justified norm or even a natural right. They turn their precious family home into a cold, walled enclosure filled with mistrust, distress, bitterness, and fear for the simplest of reasons. As the main victims of this injustice, the ones to foot the psychological bill of the antagonistic atmosphere at home end up being the children, who also bear the mental scars of these conflicts. The parents are either not aware or do not care.

Furthermore, in modern times, the term "kindness" has been uprooted from its deep and beautiful historical context and is now used as a label for formalities, pretenses, and affectations. In reality, kindness comes from the heart and cannot be feigned. It isn’t a burden but rather a cathartic practice both in physical and emotional terms. Sometimes, a smile or a few warm, friendly words is all it takes to express kindness.

Flourishing With Kindness

Despite prevalent negative examples, it is delightful to see that kindness, which is a sign of a person who serves Allah and His Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) commendably, continues to be practiced in the Muslim community. We must be grateful that there are still people among us who greet complete strangers with kindness. There are fellow believers among us who follow the principle, “those who don't thank people, don't thank Allah,” and do not hesitate to express gratitude for even the smallest act of benevolence.

There are those among us who follow the example of the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and do not lose their smiles or hope despite all the adversities and challenges in their lives. These noble individuals do not harbor grudges, even against those who have wronged them, and always seek to forgive and reconcile. They are compassionate towards the needy and give generously to charity, sacrificing their own needs for the sake of others.

In order to prevent bad examples from overwhelming and outnumbering the good ones and to make kindness more widespread, we must reexamine our own morals. We should strive to embody the virtues of kind-hearted believers ourselves instead of just expecting it from others. Just as we feel that it is our right to increase our knowledge, good deeds, material wealth, and possessions, we must feel obligated to increase our kindness and position the relevant virtues at a higher priority than the things we seek for our own benefit.

We must teach the new generation that rough behavior, callousness, and hurtful words are despicable traits that undermine human dignity while being gentle and kind is a high virtue. Only in this way can we make our present and future beautiful and deserve a more livable life.

To create a beautiful present and future, we must teach the new generation that the butterfly effect of kindness is immense as the ripples travel beyond our horizon. In contrast, the effect of every cruel, callous, or uncaring act leaves scars in other people’s lives. The impact of our actions on others cannot be overstated; a single harsh word or unkind action can inflict lasting pain and damage relationships. On the other hand, practicing kindness and gentleness not only nourishes our own souls but also uplifts and inspires those around us. By embracing the virtues of compassion, respect, and empathy, we can create a society that values human dignity and fosters deeper connections between individuals. Let us strive to be the embodiment of kindness—be the change we wish to see—so that we may create a world that is not just more livable but truly worth living in.

Selim Uğur